There’s something quite charming, yet eerie about a random Eastern European city where it’s normal behavior for tourists to be continuously blacked out, on drugs, participating in orgies, or a combination of all three, even on Christmas. Krakow has rightfully earned the reputation of being one of Europe’s best party destinations while still remaining slightly under the radar. Of course Poland is filled with important history that every traveler should probably see before they die, and if you don’t know what I’m talking about then please exit my blog immediately. But putting all of that aside, here are some lighthearted, dumb bitch™ ways to fill your Krakow itinerary without leaving the city accomplishing absolutely anything like I almost did. 

Stay at the Greg&Tom hostels

Sometimes I base my solo trips solely on the hostel I’ll be staying at, and I like to visit party hostels because I have no friends. Staying at a party hostel is an easy ways to meet people because everyone is drunk and not as stuck-up as they’d probably be otherwise. I stayed at both Greg&Tom Beer House Hostel and Greg&Tom Party Hostel. The Beer House hostel was definitely more wild because the beer was on tap all throughout dinner, despite the latter being known as the crazier hostel. Both were not quite on Retox level, but I will still return to both of them if I’m ever in Krakow again because all of the local staff members were super nice. Breakfast and dinner are free, meaning you don’t have to spend money on food whatsoever in Krakow… and it was actually very plentiful and very good!

Visit MOCAK Museum

The museum is popular for its contemporary art pieces, but it also has a WW2 section. Both are super interesting for someone who is not as into museums as she should be. I came moreso for the quirky art, so if you’re looking for more Holocaust-focused museums, I’d skip this one, though it’s still worth checking out if you’ve run out of things to do. 

Take a Basic Bitch photo at Bubble Toast

This was one of the cutest, most instagrammable bars I’ve visited and if you’re a basic bitch like me, you’ll marvel at this adorable pink, bubble-filled bathtub and unicorn decor. Drinks were moderately priced, but I came for the aesthetics of course.

Do a walking tour

I usually don’t have the patience for walking tours, but I guarantee you’re going be hungover and/or drunk for the majority of your stay in Krakow, and a walking tour requires no effort on your part whatsoever. Going on one of the many free walking tours starting in the center is a great way to learn Krakow’s rich history, and you won’t feel guilty leaving the city without doing anything of significance. From what I’ve seen, there are two main walking tours, one that explores the Old Town and the other the Jewish quarter. I chose the Jewish Quarter tour and it’s been one of my favorite walking tours in Europe yet. The guides will take you to the Jewish ghettos, where you’ll dive more in depth of the life of Polish jews in the midst of WW2 and witness how confined and bleak the living situations during this time were. You will also be shown Oskar Schindler’s Krakow residency. 

Party at Prozac

I’m not into techno music at all, but Prozac is the nightclub where everything goes down. If you go on any of the pub crawls in Krakow you will most likely end up here, but it’s not as touristy as you’d expect for a pub crawl club. Lots of Polish locals were getting turnt there as well, and the vibe wasn’t so you’re an outsider, get the FUCK out of this club.

Lick walls at the Wieliczka Salt Mine

This was not of any interest to me (I’m so sorry, I really am). I regret spending 30 euros on this, but I was so convinced that I needed something a little less ignorant to fill the remainder of my trip with, so I decided to go on a last-minute tour despite KNOWING that I had no interest in visiting a salt mine. Your hostel will most likely have this as an option to book at the front desk, and most people kind of just go just to go. I would have rather taken a day trip outside of Krakow to a different city. Again, I feel absolutely terrible for having this feeling, but I wouldn’t reccomend going if this is something you realllllllyyyyyy don’t give a fuck about.

Enjoy Krakow and remember not to drink in the streets!