Welcome to Madrid! You will probably get robbed. Actually, consider this your hazing– it’s a right of passage to get something stolen at least once. Consider yourself a high ranking member of the Order of Those Robbed in Spain if you get more than three items stolen, like me. I’ve gotten three iPhones stolen in Madrid, both due to my own carelessness and the thieves that prey upon careless people like me. Filing police reports in Madrid for petty theft is pretty much useless and a waste of time, so as a friend, I’m telling you not to get your hopes up if you’ve had your phone or money stolen because you’re not getting that shit back. However, take these tips as a warning and spread the word to those coming to Madrid, or any big European city in general, for the first time because they will get hit with one of these pickpocketing tactics at least once during their stay!

Rosemary-offering women

Unless they’re targeting new-age hippie transplants, it’s crazy to think the average person cares (or is spiritually enlightened) enough to stop what they’re doing to get a leaf to carry around with them all day. These women are usually spotted in Sol, Gran Via, Callou, and Plaza Mayor waving rosemary in your face, and then asking for a tip. Sometimes they’ll try to butter you up by calling you ‘beautiful’ or ‘handsome’, but after you pull out your wallet to donate, their friends will come near you while you’re distracted and take off with your items. Luckily this is one of the most obvious pickpocketing strategies in Madrid, and since they’re everywhere you’ll find that they are easy to ignore and are harmless.

“Entertainment” in Puerta del Sol

In Sol there’s always shit going on. People dancing, people pretending be statues, people stressed up as Mickey Mouse… With such high-quality entertainment, big crowds of distracted tourists marvel at the performers while those not performing have the perfect opportunity to collect phones and wallets from nearly fifty pockets all at once. A more active scheme, sometimes there will be teenagers playing football, urging people to play with them. The moment you start thinking you’re Ronaldo will be the moment your shit gets stolen, whether they sneakily reach into your bag or something drops out of your pocket. I almost fell victim to this, but luckily I always carry a zipped clutch that straps around my front shoulder.

Seemingly friendly people high-fiving you

You know when you’re in a good mood and someone passes you and goes ayyyyye and high fives you, and you’re like ayyyye, what’s good, bruh? Yeah, don’t do that because dudes out here be acting fake as fuck so they can rob you. If someone comes up to you and puts their arm around your shoulder, they are definitely trying to pickpocket you. It’s Madrid, people are NOT that friendly here.

“You dropped something!”

You did not drop anything! This is a hit or miss because some people are genuinely nice and care if your stuff goes missing, which makes this such a common tactic for thieves. Common in metros and crowded spaces, the trick to telling someone they dropped something is so they can bend over, search for their imaginary missing item, while the theft grabs your bag or reaches for your pocket before they scurry away. Unless you know you’re the type of person to constantly have your bag unzipped or stuff in your back pocket (please stop doing this), you definitely did not drop anything.

People with clipboards

You’re walking with your friends speaking English, why would a group of Spanish people want you to sign a petition when you’re not a citizen of Spain? This is another tactic popular in metro stations– a group of people with clipboards will come up to you asking for a donation or to sign their petition. While you are busy putting down contact information, a person in the group will reach for your belongings while you are distracted. I’ve seen this many times in Moncloa by a group of girls, dressed “normally”, no older than 20 years old. Not every theft fits a certain criteria some like to imagine.

Tips

DO bet alert inside of nightclubs

Shout out to whoever stole my 5 euro, empty thrift-store bought jacket at ghetto ass nightclub SHOKO. At almost every popular club in Madrid are pickpocketing rings who go solely to steal from drunk partygoers. Keep your belongings in a zipped bag or the inside of your coat pocket. I would also suggest just checking your belongings into coat check, but rumor has it that some of the bouncers are in cahoots with the nightclub theft as well.

Do NOT wear your backpack on your back

I can’t believe, in the year 2019, people still walk around Madrid with their backpacks on their actual backs. In crowded places where no one gives enough of a fuck to tell you that your backpack is unzipped, robbers constantly hit the lottery. It’s annoying, but try to carry your backpack on your shoulder, keeping an eye on the zipper.

DO file a denuncia

You can file a denuncia, an official report of your stolen items, at any national police station. If you have a stolen passport or identification card, a denuncia will come in handy when trying to board a plane or presenting your identity to any government office, but the chances of your things like money or your phone being found are slim to none. However, you can use the denuncia for insurance purposes both in Spain and at home.

Overall, theft is almost unavoidable, even for the most careful, but at the end of the day, whether in Madrid or your hometown, common sense is always the key to avoid getting robbed and staying safe.

Do NOT leave your phone on the table

While at a restaurant or bar, it’s easy to think that your phone is in eyesight, but it’s not. Thefts will actively lurk in dining establishments knowing that there are plenty of cell phones and wallets to steal while you’re busy eating because all it takes is one minor distraction for your things to vanish.

DO choose your metro seat wisely

Finding an empty seat on the metro should be a task in The Hunger Games. BUT, if you can, avoid sitting in the seats closest to the doors. The closer to the door, the quicker it is for thieves to pickpocket you before getting off at the next stop without being noticed. The metro is a pickpocketer galore, so extra pre-caution should be taken when both on and off the train. Avoid using your phone or pulling out your wallet. Also, don’t be like me and fall asleep on empty metros at 6 AM either because they aren’t really empty!