Y’all know I love partying at ratchet places because I love to drunkenly watch people do stupid things, but hands down, Retox Party Hostel in Budapest, Hungary takes the prize for the most ratchet place in Europe I’ve been to thus far. Since I knew I would be traveling alone to Budapest during New Year’s, I wanted to go somewhere crazy since I was tryna get into some things, but dang, this place is straight up demonic. My inner fratboy “Brock” was in full force for five full days and it was the perfect way to kick off my 2019.

I guess this is a hostel review of some sort, so I’ll start with the basics.

Location

Location is prime in the Pest side of Budapest. Right in the city center, about about a ten minute walk to Saint Stephen’s Basilica and a twenty minute walk over the bridge onto the Buda side. I hate myself for mainly sticking in the city center because I was drunk/hungover 90% of the time and did not have the energy to see actual Budapest, but to be fair the thermal baths were my only objectives, so I was happy enough to go wherever the wind blew me. Széchenyi is also a forty minute walk, and on the way there you’ll pass a lovely park and emptier, more charming streets.

Atmosphere

Retox brands itself as a glorified frat house where the objective is to get as fucked up and participate in as much casual sex as possible (yikes, yikes, yikes), so everyone staying there knows what they’re getting  themselves into. Aside from that, I actually loved the wall art of the hostel because it reflected the wall art culture in Budapest. At entrance there is a sizeable bar downstairs with rooms for games on the side, and upstairs are the rooms. Of course hostels are usually always mixed, but some rooms were a bit bigger than others. The common room is also upstairs and is mainly where everyone gathers to cook their microwavable pizzas and pregame. I’ve stayed at some hostels where everyone was anti-social, but here everyone was so nice. Of course everyone is taking shots of vodka at 10 AM, but I feel like I met some of my soulmates. Even though I don’t remember any of your names, I hope you are all doing okay…

Cleanliness

Reading some of the reviews you will see people commenting on how disgusting the place is, and I can totally believe it, but while I was there I did not notice the filthiness because I didn’t even sleep in my dorm two of the nights I was there. The only disgusting thing I saw was that my dorm bathroom at one point had vomit stains in the toilet, but the staff was super quick about cleaning things up.

Staff

The staff was awesome! If it’s one thing I hate it’s boogie hostel staff, but all of the staff members I had the opportunity to talk to were extremely welcoming. Upon check-in, they flat out give you the rundown of the hostel and they make it a priority to tell you what not to do to stay safe and not end up imprisoned in Hungarian jail (drugs).

Activities

The one thing I really enjoyed at Retox was the fact that I really didn’t have to think about what to do. Usually when I visit a city I plan my entire itinerary down to the exact hour of the day, but this time I was like yolo’in it. I arrived Saturday and participated in the Jäeger Train event, where there’s basically a huge domino effect of jäegermasters, but I was honestly over it by midnight because I barely slept in the Madrid airport nor on the plane.

For New Year’s Eve the party was at Retox, so pretty much every other hostel in Budapest ended up there. At first I was convinced I was going to go to a club because I did not want to waste my newly-bought dress by staying in the hostel, but now that I think about it, it was safer to drink and turn up there as opposed to being on the strees of Budapest either waiting in line for a club or getting lost/robbed.

As far as weekly activities, the hostel also has two boat parties and a pub crawl. I attended one of the boat parties, which was all you can drink, for around 15 euros, I think. I love boats, so it was super fun, and afterwards they take you to a club. They also had paint-balling and caving.

Actual Sightseeing

Because I’m a lightweight and tapped out by 2 AM every single night, I actually almost got a few nights of full, actual sleep, so I did a bit of sightseeing. My main purpose was visiting the thermal baths. Unfortunately, I did not get a chance to go to the second cool one, Gallert, but Széchenyi is the biggest and baddest bitch of a bath in Budapest, so it’s cool. It was hella packed and walking around in a swimsuit in the middle of a Budapest winter is not recommended, but at least the baths remained heated.

There are a ton of ruin bars, which are post WW2 buildings transformed into quirky bars. I only went the Szimpla, and I loved the vibe there. It is filled with predominately tourists of course, but I love places with art and colors just like I love communism.

If you’re staying at Retox, you’re not going to have the brain cells to do things, so I would recommend the free walking tour. I didn’t want to waste my trip being completely uneducated– I actually learned quite a few historical things about the city and Hungarian culture. They show you around both the Buda and Pest side.

I took my NYE pictures at Intermezzo Restaurant and Roof Terrace. It’s only around 3 euros to enter and most of the drinks at the bar are cheap as well. They also had an ice skating rink! To be honest, I only came here for the aesthetic, but the aesthetic I was given. It’s a shame I didn’t visit any other rooftop bars since they usually have the best views of the city, but Intermezzo did not disappoint.

What I ate

I was all the way there for the goulash because I love soup. I ate at this overpriced cafe in the center, so my portion size wasn’t that big, but it was good. Since I was there during the holidays, I had the chance to visit the Christmas markets, where I purchased whatever this was which is a traditional Hungarian dish made by, whoa, real Hungarian people.

Bors GasztroBár is a trendy place that also serves goulash and soup. Literally everyone goes there and it was quite cramped, but my soup was worth it. This looks like it would be nasty, but it was actually really good. Aside from that, I was on a budget since I realized how much money I was spending, so I basically ate ramen the entirety of my stay.

 

Overall

I would share all of my funny stories, but maybe now is not the time. But I will say that I would 10/10 definitely stay at Retox again, but in the summer when it’s not so fucking cold, and I swear I’m only staying here for two days next time because my body is still disgusted with me. If this was a “tame” time for Retox, I can only imagine how much wilder it gets. The whole time I was there I kept begging anyone who would listen to kill me and put me out of my alcoholic misery because this place is what I’m pretty sure Hell feels like. After downing five handles of vodka and copious amounts of beer and carbonated mixed drinks, I’m back in Madrid, my entire body still bruised, and two days after leaving I swear I was hallucinating. But for anyone wanting to experience being ignorant and slutty without judgement for a couple of days, do a bit of sightseeing, and visit Budapest nightlife, Retox Hostel is the place for you.

2019 – The 3 Year

2019 is a universal three year, the year of creativity, in numerology, and it is also my personal year. I turn 23, my Michael Jordan year, and I’m trying to make moves. I want to be one with the seasons again and continue living my cute, care-free, Aquarius life. My resolutions are the same every year, positivity and happiness. If there’s something 2018 has taught me, it is that intensity isn’t always a bad thing, and I am who I am. And there’s no reason why I shouldn’t love myself, because I do and I love life too. But I’m forgetting how ambitious I used to be and my brain is slowly turning to mush. I need to harness this creative energy while it is at its highest and remember that life will always be my muse. So. these are my resolutions.

1. To think outside of the box and find different ways to be creative.
2. To stop doubting myself.
3. To connect with more people on a more-than superficial level.
4. To stop running away from my problems and learn how to combat them head-on.
5. To continue making myself laugh.

Happiness and healthiness in 2019!!!!! To everyone.