Cappadocia and basic bitchdom seem to go hand-in-hand. As I gently woke from my overnight journey from Antalya to Göreme, the ginormous rock formations seen from my window almost distracted me from my sole mission of getting my princess flowy dress photos with the balloons to show off on Instagram instead of doing actual sightseeing. But, on the sixth month of evacuating a war and tiringly backpacking Europe, I quickly relapsed into my white girl mission to take photos and leave without learning any history.

Stay in Göreme

Coming from Antalya, Göreme is the only place you can enter the Cappaodica district by bus. All of the hotels and restaurants are here, so you’ll probably end up here at some point. The town itself is very pretty and will keep you entertained, though I treated my remaining days in Turkey as a rehabilitation center before my impending Balkans trip.

To ride the balloons or watch from below?

I’m not going to lie, riding one of the hot air balloons was completely out of my summer budget. I was told that the rides were only 60 euros, but I believe they double the prices during the summer, and it wasn’t worth it to pay 120 euros because it was never that deep to me. I just wanted the photos. If you’re a cheap stunt queen, just choose a nice hotel with a balcony to take your princess photos because you wouldn’t even be able to get quality pics if you were on the actual ride anyway.

Head to Red & Rose Valley for the best balloon photos

While you can watch the balloons from any point in town, Red & Rose Valley is the best location to witness this magical moment. About a 10-25 minute walk from Gerome’s city center, you’ll want to be in the valley by 5:20 AM to watch the balloons prepare for takeoff.

Buy your own dress

While I did have my own ballroom gown I randomly bought in Vienna a few months ago at a secondhand shop for only 45 euros for literally no reason, it was too much effort to change into at 4 AM let alone walk to the desert in it. Originally I had planned on purchasing a balloon photoshoot package with the gown included, but everyone quoted me nearly 500 euros which was a big fat NO. But, if you want to have the same shoot, bringing your own dress and a friend with a nice camera is the more affordable and less pretentious option because again, 500 fucking euros?

Alternative Photoshoot: Galerie Ikman Carpet Shop

Galerie Ikaman sells an abundance of exotic, handmade carpets, and due to all of the Instagram girls flocking for photos, they offer cheap photoshoots as well! A regular photoshoot with a professional photographer is only 30 euros, and they even use drones for beautiful aerial shots– though I was perfectly fine with taking my own photos for 10 euros (I didn’t have anyone to take my photos, so the guy working did it… and you can see that he definitely understood the assignment). Look how beautiful I looked. This man saved my entire life and I owe him a kidney. This was actually the dress I intended on wearing to the balloons, but I’m glad I didn’t because black would have ruined the aesthetic and it looks so much better against red.

If you want a quality massage, do NOT go to a budget harem

I spent two months in Turkey without going to one of the famous Turkish baths, so I decided to end my trip by choosing the cheapest, 30-euro harem package in town. Don’t do what I did. I don’t know if it was just my particular harem, but the lady did not crack my bones as I desired, and while I felt significantly cleaner with the help of an intense body scrub and salt steam room, I could have just kept the 30 euros and found some thirsty Turkish resort dude to it in broad daylight for free because attempting to finesse foreign women is a sport. If you do choose a harem, make sure to actually read what it offers because I expected a foot rub at the very least.

Stay in Cappadocia for 2-3 days

On my first day in Cappadocia, I was informed the balloon rides were canceled the following day due to weather conditions. There is a possibility this may happen to you, so I recommend being flexible with your visit by planning at least two days. While I only planned on seeing the balloons and leaving, there are tons of other things to see in Cappadocia, such as the Open Air Museum, Pigeon Valley, Love Valley, and the Derinkuyu Underground Village, all of which will add a few more days to your itinerary. Perhaps I’ll get a chance to visit again when I am back in Turkey, but for seeing the balloons and dipping, two days is enough.